First Year of College

 

            The truth is sometimes painful and embarrassing. But here goes. I went to a local community college because I did not do well on the PSAT’s. I did not even try the SAT. I panicked about the time, so instead of reading, I skimmed looking for answers. I did well on the math section, but the reading and language part, I bombed big time! Some people probably think I went to a community college just to stay home, but the truth was I didn’t want to go through another test that I knew would not end well.

            Everyone, EVERYONE, says I am so smart. I disagree. I study well. There is a difference.

            At community college back in the day, they had quarters instead of semesters. My first two quarters, I was just there. I went to class and came home to study. I existed, period. Between classes I went to the library, not to read, but just to pass the time until my next class. I was like a shadow roaming the halls, not really there but there.

            During my third quarter, a friend asked me to come to Alpha Omega, a Christian club that met twice a week. Once for Bible study and the second for fellowship. I was brought up a Lutheran and wasn’t sure what the Baptist did for fellowship. And Bible Study? Would they try to control my mind? Indoctrinate me into a cult of some kind?

            I recall talking to my mother about it. She encouraged me to go, just see what was happening. If I didn’t like it, I didn’t have to return. This was college after all.

            I remember how scared I was! I went on a Thursday fellowship, not the Bible Study Tuesday. That day, Tom came in carrying Todd! They were having fun! Laughing, joking, and the obvious class clowns! I think I was hooked at that moment. I relaxed and just had a great time with these Christians!

            They accepted me as a person, not as a handicapped person, but a human being very capable of doing what she wanted.

            It was like I could breathe! At last, I could breathe, and just be Jill. And I wasn’t hiding or a shadow. It felt wonderful, awesome, and amazing!

            I came home and talked about something other than the library and classes. I had friends, real friends!

            When they asked me to go to the beach on a retreat a month later, I said maybe. But again, Mom encouraged me to go and enjoy. So, I did! What a wonderful experience! I didn’t sleep, but just being there was great for me.

            Alpha Omega preformed skits, led songs, and if asked, discussed how Jesus had changed their lives at various churches. When asked me to go to church’s youth lock-in or sleep over, I said, “I’ll go, but I am not doing anything.” That night I had fun just watching until…Tom came over and said they really needed me to play the choir director for one skit. Please? What could I say? I saw the skit at the beach and knew what to do. So very reluctantly, I said I would. Getting up in front of those teenagers was the hardest thing I have ever done. I thought they would laugh at me, or say something negative. But you know what? They didn’t! And after that, no one could stop me from helping wherever and however needed. That night changed me forever. No longer a wallflower, I began to bloom! I still have my little things that would be addressed later, but for me to get up in front of youth group that night, was life changing!

            I finally found my place, my peace, my purpose, and the faith that I could accomplish anything.